December 4 – Day 78

I woke up looking for hope, for a way to shake the remnants of yesterday’s ugliness. My morning class was cancelled so I took my time getting ready and preparing for the day but the dreary weather and darkened sky which looked closer to late evening than early afternoon made it excruciatingly difficult to leave. I decided to use the old ‘when you feel your worst, look your best’ method of self-encouragement and it was enough to propel me out the door with Stephanie under the guise that we would stop at all the massive tacky New Year’s trees (they don’t do Christmas trees here) on the way to school to take pictures but as we walked the boy Stephanie brought along began to complain with every step and insisted we do our outing at a different time. Watching girls cave to the pressure of guys they are interested in is always enough to make me squeamish but today in particular, when I was just doing my best to keep it together, it was almost to much to bare. Just then, like some universal signal that I should have stayed in bed, a truck jumped the curb and ran through a giant mud pool on the street and soaked me from head to toe. I have seen images like this on television and had I not spent an hour and a half getting ready under duress it may have even been funny but in that moment I just could not see the humor. It turned out to be one of those rough days, when the world repeatedly goes awry to the point of being laughable. The only silver lining was that after waiting two hours for the delayed curtain at an avant-garde German theatrical ‘happening’ which was basically the live version of CSPAN and then sneaking out after fifteen excruciating minutes, Betsy and I stumbled upon the most amazing Czechoslovakian beer house. We relaxed for the first time all day, eating roasted almonds and drinking pints of pilsner while sharing some much needed girl talk. I just need that time to feel normal, to stop thinking and trying so hard to be okay. It was a brief respite from the long day but it was just enough to get me through.