December 5 – Day 79

Relationships between women are highly complex, invaluable entities. When I look back at the times I have loved and lost, the pain pales in compassion with the break-ups I have had with my female friends - because in the end, no matter how much we might protest, we women need each other. Men are great but they will never fully understand what makes us tick; why we cry at inappropriate times, why we go to bathrooms in groups and why we need each other so damn much. We are a sisterhood, bloodlines or not and here in this place, those bonds are even stronger. We cling together knowing full well that these women are the only people on the planet who will come close to understanding our experience in this country. It makes our relationships imperative and it makes them unpredictable. One minute we could be annoyed about something stupid and the next we are curled up on someone’s bed sharing our tears. It is a heightened reality difficult to explain and unlike anything possible in the comforts of home. There is no time to dwell on petty indigestions. This morning I was exasperated with Stephanie for bitching at me throughout our fencing class but within an hour it was forgotten and we were busy planning our much anticipated girls night. Jenna, Steph and I got dressed up and went to Help! for cocktails. We toasted each other, reminisced about our time here and laughed about topics of conversation only girlfriends can understand. More and more I am becoming a private person. I have learned the hard way about sharing too much of myself too quickly and while I don’t want to become closed off, I see the value in saving your whole self for the relationships that really matter. I spent the last three months with two of the youngest girlfriends I have ever had. Sometimes I felt like their mother, sometimes their guide, and very often their pupil but most of the time I just felt like a sister, an unfamiliar relationship that has come to mean so much