October 8 - Day 21

Everybody’s got a story. Every person has one thing that makes them glow, one thing that they truly love, which gives them passion and fires up their existence. The best part of not being able to talk is that you really have to listen. Suddenly I am hearing people in a whole new way and learning that if you’re willing to be there then people will often be willing to share their souls. Last night we had rehearsal for the group performance we had to do in acting today. It ran really late and after a long day of sight-seeing in the rain I was exhausted, starving and ready to get home. It was still pouring as Jenna and I made our way back to the dorm so we decided to duck into a little coffee shop for some hot cocoa to warm us up on the walk home. We waited for our Kakao and Jenna used the opportunity to confide in me about her fears with the program, hopes for the future and ideas of art. She spoke of the neo-futurists (a movement that some of my classmates from college belong to) and the moments of theatre that changed her life. I have been having so many of these impassioned theatre conversations lately but I realized half-way through our walk that this was the first time I let someone else do all the talking. It was amazing. Jenna was practically floating and she kept apologizing for gushing. I know that feeling so well and I just kept hugging her wishing I could tell her how impressed I was with her intelligence and conviction – how blessed I felt to share in her enthusiasm. I know that I can talk, that I have plenty of ideas and opinions but damn it felt good to just shut-up and let someone else revel in their excitement for a while. My face hurt from smiling, which is something that keeps happening here. One minute I am sad and cold and exhausted and the next I am on this surreal high, feeling like the luckiest person in the entire world. I came to Moscow looking for my path and I am not sure that I have found it or that I ever will find it but I keep finding these moments, these tiny life lessons that are putting all the stupid crap I left behind in perspective. Maybe that is all life is, a series of tiny little moments, hints about this great big answer we are all searching for. That walk home was the best conversation I have had in Moscow, one of the best conversations I have had in my life and I didn’t say a word.