October 20 – Day 33

When I was a little girl my parents used to take me to Augusta, Missouri in the fall to pick pumpkins, buy preserves and see the beauty of the changing leaves. I still have this vivid memory of my dad pulling the car over on a hill and we all got out of the car to look at the splendor of the rolling hills in Autumn reds and yellows. I love that memory so much and when I think of home it is often the pallet that I recall. Living in Los Angeles for the last few years, I have forgotten how much my soul needs the fall. It needs the dying off as much as it needs the rebirth. How can there be any growth when nothing ever changes. My heart became stagnant like the seasons and I started to disappear. Today was more beautiful than any day I can remember. We drove out of the city to the Estate of Katherine the Great and spent hours and hours wandering through the gardens, looking at the brilliant landscapes and magnificent castles scattered throughout the property. The gardens seemed endless, although a guide said he thought they were approximately 250 acres. I am not so sure about his math but none the less they were splendid. The day began cold and misty but as it progressed and I got lost walking in silence along dirt paths and frolicking like a school girl in the fallen leaves, the sun appeared and painted my face in warmth while the crisp air tingled in my lungs. It was a perfect day and as I looked around at the beauty around me, which reminded me so much of home, I started to reflect on what a fortunate childhood I really had, how much I miss my family and how incredible they truly are. I never wanted to leave but as is typical, our pace is never ceasing and we rushed back to the city to get ready for the Mariinsky Ballet’s presentation of Swan Lake. I was so excited to see the ballet again after seeing it at the Bolshoi, particularly because the Mariinsky was where my love, Baryshnikov got his start. We all dressed for the occasion and walked to the theatre. The house is not nearly as grand as the Bolshoi but the energy is just as magnetic. When the show started I was sure that it would pale in comparison to the Bolshoi’s which had spectacular production values with the most ornate sets I have ever seen live and brilliant choreography but as I watched I discovered the moments that made this production so superior in many ways. It was in the quiet moments, the intimacy. When I watched the Bolshoi I thought to myself, ‘How beautiful!’ When I watched the Mariinsky, I felt the devastation in the pained moments, I felt the heat of a love that could bring a creature back to life. The final act was jaw dropping. I had never seen black swans before, which I believe the Mariinsky ballet was the first to introduce and when the Prince carried Odette across the stage she was a swan, not a dancer or an actress but a magnificent white swan dying in the arms of her true love. It was by far the most compelling thing I have seen on stage ever, although I feel like everyday I am saying that about a new production but that is the gift of seeing theatre in this country. It is so heartbreaking to me that work like this isn’t available to people of all walks of life. I watch it and think how different the world would be if we knew the beauty that can be created when we look beyond what seems possible. There is so much beauty all around, in what we create and what has been created for us – if only we took the time to notice.