November 7 – Day 51

Today I got to live out scenes from one of my favorite movies of all time. With Natasha gone for the week to Egypt for a Yoga retreat our usual movement class was replaced with FENCING. I have to say I am in love. It is now my favorite sport. I felt like such a bad-ass catching swords as they flew through the air and sparing with a partner after only a few minutes of technique training. It is physically exhausting but it is so much fun. This particular training is designed specifically for the stage so rather than simply learning the basics we were taught how to fight from the perspective of the actor. I have done stage combat before but it paled in comparison to the mental and physical stamina this conjured. I left class feeling tougher than Indigo Montoya and ready to choose a new life’s passion. We also had a guest speaker today in our Theatre History class. His name is Constantine Bolganov and he is THE hot new director in Russian theatre. I saw his production of ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ a week ago and it was so terrible I left at intermission. It was one of the most ridiculous examples of self indulgent visualism I have seen on stage by a non-amateur and it made the thought of sitting through his two hour lecture a little painful. For the most part it was basically what I expected. (I mean he defended making Beatrice, one of the strongest women in all of Shakespeare, a pathetic sex kitten by saying, ‘Why not? She is beautiful. She is attractive. So why not.” It made my skin crawl a little.) But he did say one thing that I found particularly relevant. He said that every performance is an achievement and every performance is a mistake. It is such a fascinating and liberating way to approach life as well as art – without a condemnation of failure, without a constant obsession for perfection. It is one aspect of the Russian artist mentality that I hope I am able to carry with me when I return. It is a much more grounded perspective of reality and it makes the idea of taking risks much less petrifying. The best things in life are scary – they don’t say you never know unless you try for no reason. I feel like being here has allowed me to discover parts of myself I never knew existed, try things I never thought I would enjoy and explore in ways I never knew were possible. I am starting to feel free, like a great woman I always wanted to be.